In my travels of the last week, I have seen several versions of that golf tee game you mention…in a roadside diner, at an air b&b & at a funky antique store on the Oregon coast. I hadn’t thought of that game in years!
I am also walking through some grief and experiencing the phenomenon of being “fine” & “not fine” at the same time and I appreciate your words on the subject. Sometimes doing the solo “work” of life just feels a bit better when you know there are others who are trudging a similar path. (I think that’s part of the beauty of support groups.)
How ironic that you ran into those little games in your recent travels! Diners and similar places seem like the perfect landing spot for your butterfly project, too. I know (from our drawing group today) some of what is behind this comment, and I appreciate, too, that this alludes to the reality that there are many iterations of grief — and in all of them, we grapple with something similar, some sense of loss. I hope we all remember to ask people how they are (or some better question, but one that shows we recognize that something has happened) before we go on and assume people are okay simply because they look okay (if that makes sense). Good to see you today — and thank you for reading and commenting.
Lol. Piles of denial… I love that, and it seems pretty apt for this process of pile-making and contemplating I’m doing! I hope there are some good piles in the week, whether you are shifting or combining.
This captures a lot of my experience with packing my house. And I’m surprised to say that unpacking has had similar challenges. How do I fit my old space into the new one? I reached the limit of what I could fit in the kitchen detritus drawer (this kitchen is both bigger and smaller than my previous one), and ended up throwing the rest of it away. It was actually very liberating, but doesn’t help me with the box of lids for pots and pans that I can’t find a place for.
I’m getting paralyzed by things like being unable to unpack the boxes of books until I place the bookshelf, which is behind a wall of boxes. People seem shocked that I’m not already unpacked, do others really sort their piles that quickly?
I definitely played the peg game, although I think it was more in vacation rentals or family homes.
A kitchen that is both bigger and smaller than the previous one…. That’s quite a condundrum, right? Good for you getting rid of the box of overflow. I guess it is odd that we are at opposite ends of this sprectrum and yet facing similar challenges, but I like that. I think you’ll need some Tetris maneuvering to get to the bookcase, but I hope after that, you feel the satisfaction of seeing books nicely lined up. — I’m sorry that people have shared opinions on the state of the unpacking. Making a home and settling into a new space doesn’t seem to me like something to rush. Pick one thing you need next, and do that. Feel good about it, and then go from there. That’s my suggestion. Interesting about the peg game not being a restaurant thing in your experience! Have a good week, Laura.
It sounds like you are giving yourself some credit for showing up at the grief support group. I certainly am! That's actually rather a big deal, in my opinion.
I think, in some ways, many of us appear to be fine even when we're not. And I think we can actually BE fine in some moments and very much not fine in others, particularly when life has upended. You're moving through the days, which seems like enough to ask of yourself right now.
I loved the mystery tool discovery, but I laughed more about the petrified Cheez-It. This is how archeologists find artifacts that tell them what kind of life a previous civilization had!
Glad you were able to spend some time with your son and light a candle with him.
Are you eating? Sleeping? Giving yourself permission to ignore the piles for a while, or whenever the lack of motivation outweighs the feeling of needing to move along?
Hah. I just want to clarify that the moment of the candle…. Obtuse as it was in the opening, was a reference to us trying out that plasma lighter that gets revealed later. Lol.
Thank you for your comment and for the bit of cheerleading. I think those of us who always look fine (always present ourselves that way) are sometimes at risk. I’ve been really feeling that. But, as you can tell, I’m on top of it. I’m paying attention. I’m not in danger. The fact that I have to get up and work every day puts me in a different position than a lot of the stories I read and stories I am encountering, if that makes sense.
And, yes to the Cheez-it!
Hope you have a good remainder of August, Elizabeth.
I really liked your Tower of Hanoi analogy…powerful and it so clearly articulated a situation and feelings that I think can be hard to explain.
I remember those peg games in restaurants. I don’t think I was ever good at them…(maybe I spent more time drawing on the placemats with those 4 bad extra-waxy crayons that came in a tiny box.) I am that person who took all the color stickers off my Rubiks cube and stuck them back on to “solve it”. But I did find I could solve those little square image puzzles with the sliding tiles if I just kept moving really fast and tried not to think about what I was doing…maybe my subconscious is better at solving puzzles?
I also really liked your “petrified cheese-it” drawing. And I think it can be ok to not be ok, or maybe I mean ok to not be ok for other people’s sake. But for your sake I hope you feel more ok as you work through feeling not ok. (Lacking your way with words here…🤦♀️)
I hope you do light a candle with that cool candle lighter, and yes, absolutely a gold star for showing up at the online group.
In my travels of the last week, I have seen several versions of that golf tee game you mention…in a roadside diner, at an air b&b & at a funky antique store on the Oregon coast. I hadn’t thought of that game in years!
I am also walking through some grief and experiencing the phenomenon of being “fine” & “not fine” at the same time and I appreciate your words on the subject. Sometimes doing the solo “work” of life just feels a bit better when you know there are others who are trudging a similar path. (I think that’s part of the beauty of support groups.)
How ironic that you ran into those little games in your recent travels! Diners and similar places seem like the perfect landing spot for your butterfly project, too. I know (from our drawing group today) some of what is behind this comment, and I appreciate, too, that this alludes to the reality that there are many iterations of grief — and in all of them, we grapple with something similar, some sense of loss. I hope we all remember to ask people how they are (or some better question, but one that shows we recognize that something has happened) before we go on and assume people are okay simply because they look okay (if that makes sense). Good to see you today — and thank you for reading and commenting.
A real wow of a post, and intensely relatable. I'm sending sunshine.
Oh, and the piles? My husband calls any pile of mine - and they're all mine, every single one - 'a pile of denial'.
He's right, of course. 👀
Lol. Piles of denial… I love that, and it seems pretty apt for this process of pile-making and contemplating I’m doing! I hope there are some good piles in the week, whether you are shifting or combining.
This captures a lot of my experience with packing my house. And I’m surprised to say that unpacking has had similar challenges. How do I fit my old space into the new one? I reached the limit of what I could fit in the kitchen detritus drawer (this kitchen is both bigger and smaller than my previous one), and ended up throwing the rest of it away. It was actually very liberating, but doesn’t help me with the box of lids for pots and pans that I can’t find a place for.
I’m getting paralyzed by things like being unable to unpack the boxes of books until I place the bookshelf, which is behind a wall of boxes. People seem shocked that I’m not already unpacked, do others really sort their piles that quickly?
I definitely played the peg game, although I think it was more in vacation rentals or family homes.
A kitchen that is both bigger and smaller than the previous one…. That’s quite a condundrum, right? Good for you getting rid of the box of overflow. I guess it is odd that we are at opposite ends of this sprectrum and yet facing similar challenges, but I like that. I think you’ll need some Tetris maneuvering to get to the bookcase, but I hope after that, you feel the satisfaction of seeing books nicely lined up. — I’m sorry that people have shared opinions on the state of the unpacking. Making a home and settling into a new space doesn’t seem to me like something to rush. Pick one thing you need next, and do that. Feel good about it, and then go from there. That’s my suggestion. Interesting about the peg game not being a restaurant thing in your experience! Have a good week, Laura.
It sounds like you are giving yourself some credit for showing up at the grief support group. I certainly am! That's actually rather a big deal, in my opinion.
I think, in some ways, many of us appear to be fine even when we're not. And I think we can actually BE fine in some moments and very much not fine in others, particularly when life has upended. You're moving through the days, which seems like enough to ask of yourself right now.
I loved the mystery tool discovery, but I laughed more about the petrified Cheez-It. This is how archeologists find artifacts that tell them what kind of life a previous civilization had!
Glad you were able to spend some time with your son and light a candle with him.
Are you eating? Sleeping? Giving yourself permission to ignore the piles for a while, or whenever the lack of motivation outweighs the feeling of needing to move along?
Hard, hard, hard -- it's all hard.
Hah. I just want to clarify that the moment of the candle…. Obtuse as it was in the opening, was a reference to us trying out that plasma lighter that gets revealed later. Lol.
Thank you for your comment and for the bit of cheerleading. I think those of us who always look fine (always present ourselves that way) are sometimes at risk. I’ve been really feeling that. But, as you can tell, I’m on top of it. I’m paying attention. I’m not in danger. The fact that I have to get up and work every day puts me in a different position than a lot of the stories I read and stories I am encountering, if that makes sense.
And, yes to the Cheez-it!
Hope you have a good remainder of August, Elizabeth.
Thank you, Amy -- and the same to you!
I really liked your Tower of Hanoi analogy…powerful and it so clearly articulated a situation and feelings that I think can be hard to explain.
I remember those peg games in restaurants. I don’t think I was ever good at them…(maybe I spent more time drawing on the placemats with those 4 bad extra-waxy crayons that came in a tiny box.) I am that person who took all the color stickers off my Rubiks cube and stuck them back on to “solve it”. But I did find I could solve those little square image puzzles with the sliding tiles if I just kept moving really fast and tried not to think about what I was doing…maybe my subconscious is better at solving puzzles?
I also really liked your “petrified cheese-it” drawing. And I think it can be ok to not be ok, or maybe I mean ok to not be ok for other people’s sake. But for your sake I hope you feel more ok as you work through feeling not ok. (Lacking your way with words here…🤦♀️)
I hope you do light a candle with that cool candle lighter, and yes, absolutely a gold star for showing up at the online group.
Thank you, Erin. That is so funny about the Rubik’s cube stickers!