Amy, there is always more in your posts than I feel I can respond to here, so it's interesting to think about letters and how they aren't this. I follow Rebecca Holden (Dear Reader, I'm Lost) here who, in addition to her weekly posts also shares a weekly exchange with Terry. They're both Brits, and the writing style reflects that, I think. I find their back and forth enjoyable in part because it doesn't usually ask me to dig deep, emotionally. I'd need to invest more if that were the intent, and I'm having a hard time balancing the time I want to take with all of my other subscriptions. When I commit, as a subscriber, it is with the intention of building a relationship, of sorts. That sounds weird typed out here, and I know from seeing the number of publications to which some folks subscribe that there are many who don't have that same expectation. No right or wrong, just a distinction. At any rate, it makes me think harder about who I read and what I gain or lose in doing so.
My mother was my penpal, she a more prolific writer than I, but I was the one more apt to discuss topics of deeper significance. She said so herself, often, and sometimes suggested that her letters to me must be so boring by comparison, because she mostly talked about daily doings. She wasn't a jam-maker, but had she been, I'm sure she would have written about that! When she lost the physical and cognitive ability to pen a letter, my heart broke a little.
You wrote several things that really caught me today:
This made me laugh out loud: "I bet these people were smart and bought scads of Forever stamps last month."
This made me think, hard. "Communication doesn’t have to be so hard.
Every sentence doesn’t have to be a proving ground.
Every sentence doesn’t have to be justified or countered or explained."
And this made me nod in appreciation: "Sometimes you catch a star or a kite or a turtle or a bicycle tire. Sometimes you end up with a fish story."
I trust you'll keep us posted (punny) on where these explorations lead you. To me, it sounds like your instincts are, as usual, taking you just where you need to go.
p.s. I grew up in a world of monogrammed stationery. I still have a piece or two of it in boxes of writing paper that I've dragged with me from place to place for years. I can't figure out who I'd send it to nowadays. Jam, not jelly. And butter, but not apple butter. :)
Thank you, Elizabeth…. And I do know “this” isn’t really a letter in the same way, even though I suggested “this” is (sort of) a one-sided pen pal experience….me to the world. While I haven’t kept up with them, Rebecca and Terry’s exchange is one of the ones on my radar. I do love that format from writers who correspond and then share the two sides of that, giving readers a peek. But I think you are right about how much commitment a letter does or doesn’t take to read or respond. It’s interesting that I think letters run the full spectrum of daily to deep, sometimes within the span of a few lines. I love knowing that your mother was your pen pal - and that you each brought something different to that. I’m sorry for that loss. I can imagine that must have been profound. Thank you for calling out specific lines that had resonance (and why). I really appreciate that. I’m sure you know how meaningful it is when someone calls out lines this way. IJam, eh. East coast? (I’m from the “south,” and so I assume that’s why I was jelly. I didn’t fact-check myself though, so it’s just a guess!) I love knowing there is monogrammed paper in what you still carry. I think it must have been a bit of a hallmark of our time! — I very much appreciate your approach to reading and forging relationships with writers and readers! Thank you for reading today.
Amy, I do feel like this place, with you, is like pen pals. You write, we respond; a conversation in print.
Personally I love pen pals and letter writing. I still have a box of various matched stationery. The longest one I had was with my third grade teacher when we had to move in the middle of the year. It lasted for quite awhile and she ended up being a very important, positive influence in my formative years. Recently I’ve been mulling over being pen pals with my high school sweetheart. He reached out after 30 years and it’s been interesting to catch up. Though we use the "modern" forms of communication, we’ve thought about the return to the hand written form. We had written a lot back then and there is so much that exists in that exchange of slips of paper, it almost feels more real. Instead of ghostly whispers in the ether, you pass back and forth tangible evidence that you are both here; separate, yet connected.
I’ve also been working off and on with a novel constructed out of letters. I’ve read a few and it made the characters seem more real, like reading the commonplace notebooks of historical figures.
Marmalade, definitely. Apple butter, absolutely; a family tradition that has survived generations. The jam/jelly debate depends on what it’s going with or on. Grape jelly with peanut butter. Preserves on pancakes. It all goes on crackers.
As always I look forward to what musings bubble up on Sunday and where they lead you.
This makes me smile! “ Marmalade, definitely. Apple butter, absolutely; a family tradition that has survived generations. The jam/jelly debate depends on what it’s going with or on. Grape jelly with peanut butter. Preserves on pancakes. It all goes on crackers.” — Perfect!
Thank you, Lee, for taking time to read and to comment and be a part of the conversation and the back-and-forth here. I love knowing that you are working on an epistolary novel. It really is my favorite structure. From the reader’s vantage, it’s a very intimate experience and perspective on the story being told. I am glad you had a pen pal correspondence with a teacher that was important. It is wonderful when that happens. (I wonder if it happens as much today as maybe it used to.) And, I hope your current pen pal scenario takes shape in a way you both enjoy. Email and texts are so fast and expedient. It will be interesting how the experience changes if you shift to pen and paper.
Some LOL moments in this Amy, the stamps are so expensive! I love the visuals you share about your mail reception location, that does seem crazy! As a kid I got matched to a pen pal through a national magazine- and that girl turned out to be my second cousin living in the Midwest. Talk about small world. We did correspond until early teen years I believe. When I think of the idea now- it feels like too much disclosure. I have a hard enough time talking about myself to coworkers and friends. I always keep a recent anecdote ready, rarely of any depth or significance. It’s just my introverted manner. A pen pal exchange sounds like spending energy on strangers when I should save it for those in my life that matter. I admit I might be more excited in the camp of the happy mail. I wouldn’t mind exchanging tape and stickers, or the excuse to buy more to exchange 🤣
That’s a really interesting perspective, Lauren, and I totally can see that angle to both feeling like the time spent should be spent on immediate contacts and that pen pals might equal too much “disclosure.” I think there is something interesting about the distance between recipients….and possibly the bit of anonymity that brings. Interesting to think about. I think you are not alone in being interested in happy mail and that kind of exchange! I know a lot of people who really love to send packets of happy mail and art fodder that way — independent of letters. Thanks for reading and weighing in. I love it when our small group of readers come at topics like this from all different angles because, really, there isn’t just one way to think about it!
After I comment, I’m going to order some monogrammed stationary. It’s been way too long since I’ve had my own.
I am a stationary & paper collector. I have a few aged, but clean pieces my great grandmothers stationary and some from my parents’—W for Welch c. 1963.
When I cleaned out my step-father’s house after my mom died I found generations of letters, correspondence, postcards. At least full 10 boxes. They ranged from ‘it’s beautiful here and we’re having a great time’ to ‘if you want to repossess the Buick know we are divorced and you’ll find him at the bar on ** Street most nights’. Mail isn’t personal anymore. We text. We text and say, is now a good time to call. It’s a totally different era.
When you described your location I couldn’t help but imagine you forest bathing. I wanted to know the Japanese word for it, “Forest bathing, also known as shinrin-yoku in Japanese, is a therapeutic practice that involves spending time in nature to connect with it through your senses. The goal is to be calm and quiet, and to live in the present moment.”
🌳🌳🌳🌳🌳🌳🧍♀️🌳🌳🌳
Now the song, “I’m going to sit right down and wrote myself a letter” by the Ink Spots is stuck in my head as I get up to have coffee and sourdough with butter and strawberry jam. 💕😘💌
I’m laughing about your monogrammed stationery — such a throwback, I think, but I do get the sense that some of us (all from a certain point in time) have a memory of that. What a fascinating treasure trove of letters and notes it sounds like you found in your mother’s things. Wow! Thank you for the forest bathing note — shinrin-yoku. Great emoji depiction, too! Love that. — I had never heard the Ink Spots song (that others agreed with you about). Too funny. Thanks for reading - and good to see you today.
I have a rich history of pen pal relationships…from childhood friends from summer camp to a long distance romance with a young man in the peace corps to letters with people who are incarcerated. (My autocorrect wants to keep changing “penpal” to “penal”…weird ).
I think letter writing…pen to paper, tangible, even messy…is such a powerful tool of communication & connection. I also think of THIS as a type of penpal relationship and am grateful for the community & connection I’ve found here.
Summer camp…. That makes sense I bet as the way many kids begin letter writing, both to friends from camp but also letters home during those times. I didn’t have that, but I did grow up having to write obligatory letters to family. Times have changed! Of course they have. You have a rich history of letter correspondences. Very interesting — and I do know that letters to those who are incarcerated remains a very common subgroup in this conversation, too. Intriguing that you’ve done that. The dynamics of the role we might play in different types of letter correspondences is interesting. Good food for thought. And I am grateful for you as a reader. I look forward to hearing about the trail of butterflies you scatter this week.
Amy I kept a small stamp collection when I was a kid. I had passed it on to my Mom as she loved letters and postcards and collected stamps. My sisters and I moved or travelled a lot so she removed stamps from mail we sent and saved them. The small collection is back with me now since Mom died. In the big brown envelope I found a pal letter from a girl in Japan I had corresponded with in the 1960’s. There were photographs included and it was written on the old airmail letter/envelope paper. She had beautiful hand writing. Not sure when we lost touch but moving a lot didn’t help.
My parents had always made us write to my grandparents . Sadly we only saw them once a year or two years. My grandparents were Hungarian immigrants and loved to receive letters. They never returned to their home country so all contact was through the mail in those days.
I don't usually hold on to old letters having moved so much but I have a few from Mom. She had beautiful handwriting but as she deteriorated you could see the change in her signature and the words she wrote.
I rarely have mail in my mailbox. We have a 1/2 wall of small metal boxes for mail in our lobby. I hate junk mail and was told by the postal service to put a red dot inside my mailbox and it would no longer be delivered to me. It works! So easy!
I miss the days I had a house and mail came through the mail slot on the door and you got to know the postal worker and shared pleasantries. It was a ritual.
I only make occasional cards now for my grandkids and send them mail. No one writes back or acknowledges they recieved them. I get occasional Christmas letters from old friends. They are always full of the wonderful things they or their kids have done and trips they have enjoyed. I don’t have much to share. I will start a letter and not mail it.
I love jam. Especially apricot on homemade warm buns. My grandmother and mother both made the best! They lived in a fruit growing area. I did make some freezer jam when I was younger. Now I buy Grand Maman French jam as it tastiest and most like homemade to me. I love apple butter. It was sold in the East where I lived and apple orchards were thriving. It reminds me of the changing seasons.
I did read Anne of Green Gables. It’s a Canadian book. I have books I have read and don’t remember what most are about. I usually part with fiction more quickly. I buy books about what I am experiencing in life. I have books on death and dying, Alzheimers, healing hands, scattered minds, midlife divorce, finding your North Star, Life transitions, all sorts of wellness etc etc. I had to buy them as most libraries did not carry them. Always searching for answers and meaning. I am now shedding many of them. It’s time. I don't want my kids to have to do it after I go. Hoping to create more susable space in my small spare room.`1st
Dust mites are attracted to books…..less sneezing if they are gone. Allergies get worse as I age. At least those are the excuses I use.
I walk a regular route and yes I do talk to strangers. So funny as this habit embarrassed me terribly about my Mom. Especially easy to start a conversation with are those with small kids or dogs! Just small talk but some days that is the only communication I seem to have with a human being. Having moved so much I found just getting to know the people working in shops or cafes near me helped me eventually feel ok in my new neighborhood. They brighten my day.
Things have changed. Not everyone one is as friendly and open. I find living in a condo it is better to keep your distance. A quick hello is enough but some I have to avoid completely. Mental health issues seem to be everywhere today. Things have changed since Covid and isolation.
Amy I found various support groups I joined when I was going through difficult times did help me even briefly. I am not a joiner! Take care. I really enjoy your writing.
Gail…. Gail… Gail…. Whatever has given you the sense that you don’t have something to share to write back to the friends who send you letters was wrong! Correspondences don’t have to be about trips or big events. Look at this letter you just shared here and how full of goodness it is. From apricot jam (homemade!) to the wonderful collection of stamps you have and the remaining letter from a childhood correspondence. And then the books you are looking at…. It all tells a story. I am glad that you get out and that you find people you feel comfortable at least saying hello to. I know from having seen your art through the years that you make beautiful cards for family, and I am sad to know that those are not mentioned. Like you, I grew up having to write letters to certain family members. But I know that kids today typically don’t have that same experience. I hope you have a good week ahead. Thank you for reading and responding.
My husband and I wrote letters during our early relationship phase because long distance calls were too expensive. Sometimes he would correct my letters with a red pen😂😂 and write his responses on the sides. We still have these in a box in the attic - I need to go dig them out now!
Also can't think of jam without singing Space Jam in my brain 🫠🤪🥴😂
Correcting your letters, oh no! That’s very funny, Melissa. Obviously it worked out okay, right? If you dig those letters out, I bet it will be an interesting trip down memory lane. Space Jam :)
Well. I have many things to say to many items in your post. Here's the first response: Don't worry about whether you have depth. You've got depth in spades...I just had to look up what that means...Maybe a reference to the card game bridge. Spades have the highest value of any suit. I love learning. I agree with you about many things re: pen pals here. I feel like I have a pen pal relationship with so many people. People who comment, for sure. I love the back and forth of responding to comments. I'm getting to know so many people that way. I don't think I could take on the added responsibility of a dedicated pen pal, a snail mail pen pal. I hardly ever write by hand these days, and am so accustomed to the immediate gratification of texts/web/email. But I miss those days, too. I was a stellar card sender. Loved doing it for occasions and for no reason at all. And yes, to the world being a much better place if everyone did 12 Step programs. I'm all for it, and fantasize about it regularly. So much becomes possible as far as empowered communication when people speak the same language, and feel safe to do so. I feel like you're a pen pal for me, for sure. You open up worlds of questions and a multitude of answers, and I'm so very grateful that we found each other on the platform. You've definitely helped me grow as a writer, I look a little more deeply when I write partly because of the details you observe in yourself, and the world around you. I look a little more deeply, too, now. So much to say and not enough time right now. And yes, to Griffin and Sabine, and how did it hold up for you? What's cool about writing here? I never run out of paper, stamps, or ink! And there's an unending supply of people to pen pal around with. And you can get a sense of what's on their bingo cards just by taking a look at their writing. xoxo Lots of love to you, Amy!
Thank you for reading, Nan. I’m from a family of card players, and we enjoy Spades (which is, indeed, a trick taking game), but I’d never really thought about the “in spades” saying before. Interesting! I agree that for those writing substacks (like you), it can be a challenge to keep up with and connect and deepen connections with lots of people here….so much so that it can be a challenge to keep up and other correspondences might seem impossible. But I think there’s potential in intentional exchanges that find just the right bit of balance and nudge. I really appreciate the insight into 12-step programs you and other writers offer. Have a good week.
Thanks, Amy! The week started with a bang. I'm experiencing a lot of interest in the new stack, and people are actually HIRING me to help them. It's a little like a rollercoaster at the moment. Looking for the middle way there, too. xoxo Have a great week!
Bingo cards sound brilliant! I tried but my pen pal effort didn’t go very far. It’s hard to continue to write when you haven’t received one letter. I could write a lot about grief. I lost my son when he was five years old. What resonated with me was your comment that you don’t trust the idea of opening yourself wide open when you are so vulnerable. It has been 18 years and I still don’t trust more than a handful of people with my loss. I know this grief is part of my love and connection to Christopher and I am not willing to share it give up some of that. It will always be that way. You don’t have to trust others if you don’t want. It’s your sacred space!
Totally agree that a correspondence doesn’t work if the other player doesn’t participate! Thank you for your words about your loss. I appreciate this. I am sorry for the loss you and your family suffered. I know from other things you have said that you all continue to celebrate Christopher’s life and memory in special ways. I am glad that you have such a close family, too. ❤️
I am a periodic letter writer, consistent if slow to mail, and have engaged in some fun art/book swaps via the mail. I had an unpleasant pen pal experience a few years ago though … there was a letter exchange in my state. I always wrote to the folks assigned but never heard back, except from one person, who responded to my letter in another language (which you could do as an option), with corrections! Not really a nice letter to get in return! So I guess my bingo card would be: books, art, kindness :-)
That must have been such a disappointing experience, Kristen! I never understand when people don’t follow through on things like that — or when they don’t approach them with, as you say, kindness. Those are good bingo parameters! Thank you for commenting.
I have always loved the mail, the post office, stamps, postcards, stationary. One of my dream jobs was to be a mail carrier. It doesn’t feel the same now, mail isn’t really a part of the world these days. I never need stamps, a hardly ever check my mail.
I wrote lots of letters as a kid, to relatives, friends traveling. I had a couple of prison penpals as part of a justice project through the UU church. I had a good blogger friend who spent time in jail and I wrote her often. For a while resolved to send a postcard a week, to random people in my address book. I have participated in various snail mail exchanges for postcards, atcs, hand painted papers. I love trading art and want my walls covered with unique things created by people I know.
I love an illustrated letter, on any surface. I try to search out books of illustrated letters. I actually think of my journal as kind of an illustrated letter, it is probably the same kind of drawing I would include in a letter.
While packing, I found my hundreds of postcards and postage stamps. Maybe I need to start refilling my address book.
I think our journals ARE illustrated letters -- it's a good way to think of them. I love hearing how so many of you/us had rich letter-writing experiences in the past.... and the general sense that all that has changed now. Something, surely, has been lost. Good luck with the move this week -- cheers to having a new address!
"This is some tiny thread I hold." Oh, Amy, that is such a comprehensive detail to notice. Thread can be so very strong, sometimes invisible, sometimes decorative, often times functional. I enjoyed this post so much. What do I think of when I think of jam? The first thing is my husband - our joke is we're JaMin' - Jim and Mary - JaM. Jim used to make blueberry jam, and called it JimiJam. We love jam on his biscuits, hot from the oven. Cool jam on a warm biscuit is the ultimate comfort food and experience for me. I make strawberry jam, and strawberry-blueberry jam. It's a sticky tie that binds us together.
Mary - Thank you for this comment — and for the shared appreciation for the potential in a strand of thread. I love your JaM story — what a wonderful and unexpected connection — and that Jim made blueberry jam! I love knowing this and that you have these threads, too. ❤️
This post made me think of a couple pieces of mail art I made in college. They were illustrated/ mixed media accordion books. On the cover (sort of a wrap around with a flap) was the address so it could be mailed without an envelope. I started them and then mailed one to my mom and one to my younger cousin to complete, and they mailed them back. They were very different in theme and meaning, but the correspondence and the art object that came from each was quite special. (Kind of makes me want to try an accordion book sketchbook… so easily tempted by slight variations in paper, sizes, and formats of sketchbooks… 🤦♀️ I just ordered a landscape style sketchbook to explore creating visuals horizontally relating to a personal project I am working on, so I’ve already gone down that rabbit hole in one distracting direction. I need to focus.)
I love your description of your cross street, and the forest many zooms deep. I enjoyed so much in this post.
I haven’t had a pen pal since elementary school, but it does seem like a nice connection. I remember getting letters from my grandmother (in the same ballpoint pen and cursive that my husband’s grandmother used, dated at the top as “Sunday morning” or “Tuesday afternoon”.) As my grandmother lost her eyesight to macular degeneration, she continued to write, but would occasionally lose her place and start over in a spot overlapping rows of text she already wrote. But she kept writing. It’s nice to still have some of those letters now.
I am not a fancy paper type, but I am “the just right” paper type… the way the ink flows on it...black ink, no lines, no monogram, just white paper usually. I don’t eat jam or jelly, but I do think of Bread and Jam for Francis. I have not read Anne of Green Gables, but I have a beautifully illustrated copy from my grandmother on my shelf that I should read, but I probably won’t. I own lots of books that I have only looked at the pictures. I should read them.
I think it is perfect to have an end-of-week-comment pen pal! lol. Thank you, Erin. I appreciated your letter, and I love the image you created of your grandmother’s letters, too. That “Sunday morning” thing….. there’s something so special about that kind of locking into a moment for context. I don’t think of you as someone who jumps around often, so it’s interesting to see you feeling that way about the current project and books. I hope you enjoy getting started in the landscape format. I did a homemade accordion or two for a sequence of portraits, and I enjoyed it. Collaborative sketchbooks through the mail can be fun…. I imagine postage these days makes them a much different proposition though. I would have imagined you might have enjoyed Anne of Green Gables along the way! Have a good week ahead.
Griffin and Sabine, Anne of Green Gables-fog clearing and settling back in like the breath of a sleeping dragon I imagine our nearby mountains to be..or that is what I tell my grandsons when driving them to school. So many interesting humans in this world and writing letters and postcards at different points in life has been a part of my past to people I knew well and to people I wanted to get to know well- letters seemed to slow down and make the joy of the relationship have more impact somehow. Through exploring new places, through grief. I loved this letter Amy, thank you for the time and the energy. No jam for me, but peanut butter-definitely lots of peanut butter.
Thank you for reading and commenting, Lisa. I love this image of the sleeping dragon of the mountains. What a wonderful things for your grandsons. Such a great moment of fog. This is a good perspective on letters, this ability to connect with people everywhere and at various points in time “to people I knew well and to people I wanted to know well.” Yes….. letters help lay the groundwork. Yes to peanut butter. Nutty or smooth?
I do buy a few sheet of forever stamps before the price goes up. Every time.
I am currently in the Lovely Letter Community, which is based in Australia (which I didn’t realize when I joined) and I’m in the US. There’s a monthly sign up to be matched up. I’ve been in it for 3 years and most people don’t keep up the back and forth - myself included as I just replied to 9 letters from 5 months ago that I just…didn’t respond to timely. Most of the women (I’ve never seen a man participate) are 20+ years older than my mid40s.
I find it fascinating how so many people jump in with the private details of their lives. I tend to talk about the weather and the seasons - which is interesting to me when we are in different hemispheres. But I have read about losing parents and caring for parents, surgeries and moves and kids and adult kid problems. A recent multi paragraph disclosure about Covid and WHO they should have kept to themselves imo (I didn’t write back). I think there is a sort of release in sending your “things” to someone who doesn’t really know you, a bit like a journal someone else will read.
The decorated and filled envelopes come up in the group’s Facebook page - people are hurt or feel left out, depending on if they get it or can’t send it etc. It’s interesting to have a Facebook group with instant access for a penpal group where it takes on average 4 weeks for my letter to get there.
I also enjoy Postcrossing, which is more just sending mail and getting a different mail in return, not much of an individual exchange.
I check my mail everyday. My mind is a bit blown to read so many comments of people who don’t check their mail often. Haha that is so foreign to me. I’ve been interested with (getting) mail all through life, having several pen pals growing up and on and off through adult life. My mom and I have kept a “circle journal” until this year for the last 22 years, mailing a journal back and forth.
I can never use a jar of jam or jelly before it goes bad. I have some strawberry preserves type from a major brand in the fridge now, the cheapest one since I know it will go bad but was wanting some jam on toast anyway.
Your circle journal with your mom is amazing. Wow! That’s quite a long-standing project, and what a treasure that must be. I think so many things like that have fallen by the wayside since most of us text or dart of quick messages or share things in one app or another. I think it’s wonderful you do that. Your comments about the pen pal communities are interesting….definitely I’ve seen a lot of people talk about writing people and no one writing back. Like you said, I think what a pair decide to talk about will have a lot to do with whether or not a pen pal correspondence really works. I think people do often think of letters as open ground….interesting, isn’t it. Thanks for commenting!
Griffin and Sabine ❤️
Yes!
Amy, there is always more in your posts than I feel I can respond to here, so it's interesting to think about letters and how they aren't this. I follow Rebecca Holden (Dear Reader, I'm Lost) here who, in addition to her weekly posts also shares a weekly exchange with Terry. They're both Brits, and the writing style reflects that, I think. I find their back and forth enjoyable in part because it doesn't usually ask me to dig deep, emotionally. I'd need to invest more if that were the intent, and I'm having a hard time balancing the time I want to take with all of my other subscriptions. When I commit, as a subscriber, it is with the intention of building a relationship, of sorts. That sounds weird typed out here, and I know from seeing the number of publications to which some folks subscribe that there are many who don't have that same expectation. No right or wrong, just a distinction. At any rate, it makes me think harder about who I read and what I gain or lose in doing so.
My mother was my penpal, she a more prolific writer than I, but I was the one more apt to discuss topics of deeper significance. She said so herself, often, and sometimes suggested that her letters to me must be so boring by comparison, because she mostly talked about daily doings. She wasn't a jam-maker, but had she been, I'm sure she would have written about that! When she lost the physical and cognitive ability to pen a letter, my heart broke a little.
You wrote several things that really caught me today:
This made me laugh out loud: "I bet these people were smart and bought scads of Forever stamps last month."
This made me think, hard. "Communication doesn’t have to be so hard.
Every sentence doesn’t have to be a proving ground.
Every sentence doesn’t have to be justified or countered or explained."
And this made me nod in appreciation: "Sometimes you catch a star or a kite or a turtle or a bicycle tire. Sometimes you end up with a fish story."
I trust you'll keep us posted (punny) on where these explorations lead you. To me, it sounds like your instincts are, as usual, taking you just where you need to go.
p.s. I grew up in a world of monogrammed stationery. I still have a piece or two of it in boxes of writing paper that I've dragged with me from place to place for years. I can't figure out who I'd send it to nowadays. Jam, not jelly. And butter, but not apple butter. :)
Thank you, Elizabeth…. And I do know “this” isn’t really a letter in the same way, even though I suggested “this” is (sort of) a one-sided pen pal experience….me to the world. While I haven’t kept up with them, Rebecca and Terry’s exchange is one of the ones on my radar. I do love that format from writers who correspond and then share the two sides of that, giving readers a peek. But I think you are right about how much commitment a letter does or doesn’t take to read or respond. It’s interesting that I think letters run the full spectrum of daily to deep, sometimes within the span of a few lines. I love knowing that your mother was your pen pal - and that you each brought something different to that. I’m sorry for that loss. I can imagine that must have been profound. Thank you for calling out specific lines that had resonance (and why). I really appreciate that. I’m sure you know how meaningful it is when someone calls out lines this way. IJam, eh. East coast? (I’m from the “south,” and so I assume that’s why I was jelly. I didn’t fact-check myself though, so it’s just a guess!) I love knowing there is monogrammed paper in what you still carry. I think it must have been a bit of a hallmark of our time! — I very much appreciate your approach to reading and forging relationships with writers and readers! Thank you for reading today.
Always an introspective pleasure to read your posts, Amy.
Amy, I do feel like this place, with you, is like pen pals. You write, we respond; a conversation in print.
Personally I love pen pals and letter writing. I still have a box of various matched stationery. The longest one I had was with my third grade teacher when we had to move in the middle of the year. It lasted for quite awhile and she ended up being a very important, positive influence in my formative years. Recently I’ve been mulling over being pen pals with my high school sweetheart. He reached out after 30 years and it’s been interesting to catch up. Though we use the "modern" forms of communication, we’ve thought about the return to the hand written form. We had written a lot back then and there is so much that exists in that exchange of slips of paper, it almost feels more real. Instead of ghostly whispers in the ether, you pass back and forth tangible evidence that you are both here; separate, yet connected.
I’ve also been working off and on with a novel constructed out of letters. I’ve read a few and it made the characters seem more real, like reading the commonplace notebooks of historical figures.
Marmalade, definitely. Apple butter, absolutely; a family tradition that has survived generations. The jam/jelly debate depends on what it’s going with or on. Grape jelly with peanut butter. Preserves on pancakes. It all goes on crackers.
As always I look forward to what musings bubble up on Sunday and where they lead you.
This makes me smile! “ Marmalade, definitely. Apple butter, absolutely; a family tradition that has survived generations. The jam/jelly debate depends on what it’s going with or on. Grape jelly with peanut butter. Preserves on pancakes. It all goes on crackers.” — Perfect!
Thank you, Lee, for taking time to read and to comment and be a part of the conversation and the back-and-forth here. I love knowing that you are working on an epistolary novel. It really is my favorite structure. From the reader’s vantage, it’s a very intimate experience and perspective on the story being told. I am glad you had a pen pal correspondence with a teacher that was important. It is wonderful when that happens. (I wonder if it happens as much today as maybe it used to.) And, I hope your current pen pal scenario takes shape in a way you both enjoy. Email and texts are so fast and expedient. It will be interesting how the experience changes if you shift to pen and paper.
So happy to know I made you smile!
Some LOL moments in this Amy, the stamps are so expensive! I love the visuals you share about your mail reception location, that does seem crazy! As a kid I got matched to a pen pal through a national magazine- and that girl turned out to be my second cousin living in the Midwest. Talk about small world. We did correspond until early teen years I believe. When I think of the idea now- it feels like too much disclosure. I have a hard enough time talking about myself to coworkers and friends. I always keep a recent anecdote ready, rarely of any depth or significance. It’s just my introverted manner. A pen pal exchange sounds like spending energy on strangers when I should save it for those in my life that matter. I admit I might be more excited in the camp of the happy mail. I wouldn’t mind exchanging tape and stickers, or the excuse to buy more to exchange 🤣
Yes to happy mail! I agree with you on “pen pal exchange sounding like spending to much energy on strangers”.
That’s a really interesting perspective, Lauren, and I totally can see that angle to both feeling like the time spent should be spent on immediate contacts and that pen pals might equal too much “disclosure.” I think there is something interesting about the distance between recipients….and possibly the bit of anonymity that brings. Interesting to think about. I think you are not alone in being interested in happy mail and that kind of exchange! I know a lot of people who really love to send packets of happy mail and art fodder that way — independent of letters. Thanks for reading and weighing in. I love it when our small group of readers come at topics like this from all different angles because, really, there isn’t just one way to think about it!
Thanks for making the discussion possible Amy!
After I comment, I’m going to order some monogrammed stationary. It’s been way too long since I’ve had my own.
I am a stationary & paper collector. I have a few aged, but clean pieces my great grandmothers stationary and some from my parents’—W for Welch c. 1963.
When I cleaned out my step-father’s house after my mom died I found generations of letters, correspondence, postcards. At least full 10 boxes. They ranged from ‘it’s beautiful here and we’re having a great time’ to ‘if you want to repossess the Buick know we are divorced and you’ll find him at the bar on ** Street most nights’. Mail isn’t personal anymore. We text. We text and say, is now a good time to call. It’s a totally different era.
When you described your location I couldn’t help but imagine you forest bathing. I wanted to know the Japanese word for it, “Forest bathing, also known as shinrin-yoku in Japanese, is a therapeutic practice that involves spending time in nature to connect with it through your senses. The goal is to be calm and quiet, and to live in the present moment.”
🌳🌳🌳🌳🌳🌳🧍♀️🌳🌳🌳
Now the song, “I’m going to sit right down and wrote myself a letter” by the Ink Spots is stuck in my head as I get up to have coffee and sourdough with butter and strawberry jam. 💕😘💌
Forest bathing! Yes it works.
That song is now stuck in my head as I read your post.!
I'm now stuck singing it too 😂😂😂
I’m laughing about your monogrammed stationery — such a throwback, I think, but I do get the sense that some of us (all from a certain point in time) have a memory of that. What a fascinating treasure trove of letters and notes it sounds like you found in your mother’s things. Wow! Thank you for the forest bathing note — shinrin-yoku. Great emoji depiction, too! Love that. — I had never heard the Ink Spots song (that others agreed with you about). Too funny. Thanks for reading - and good to see you today.
I have a rich history of pen pal relationships…from childhood friends from summer camp to a long distance romance with a young man in the peace corps to letters with people who are incarcerated. (My autocorrect wants to keep changing “penpal” to “penal”…weird ).
I think letter writing…pen to paper, tangible, even messy…is such a powerful tool of communication & connection. I also think of THIS as a type of penpal relationship and am grateful for the community & connection I’ve found here.
Summer camp…. That makes sense I bet as the way many kids begin letter writing, both to friends from camp but also letters home during those times. I didn’t have that, but I did grow up having to write obligatory letters to family. Times have changed! Of course they have. You have a rich history of letter correspondences. Very interesting — and I do know that letters to those who are incarcerated remains a very common subgroup in this conversation, too. Intriguing that you’ve done that. The dynamics of the role we might play in different types of letter correspondences is interesting. Good food for thought. And I am grateful for you as a reader. I look forward to hearing about the trail of butterflies you scatter this week.
Amy I kept a small stamp collection when I was a kid. I had passed it on to my Mom as she loved letters and postcards and collected stamps. My sisters and I moved or travelled a lot so she removed stamps from mail we sent and saved them. The small collection is back with me now since Mom died. In the big brown envelope I found a pal letter from a girl in Japan I had corresponded with in the 1960’s. There were photographs included and it was written on the old airmail letter/envelope paper. She had beautiful hand writing. Not sure when we lost touch but moving a lot didn’t help.
My parents had always made us write to my grandparents . Sadly we only saw them once a year or two years. My grandparents were Hungarian immigrants and loved to receive letters. They never returned to their home country so all contact was through the mail in those days.
I don't usually hold on to old letters having moved so much but I have a few from Mom. She had beautiful handwriting but as she deteriorated you could see the change in her signature and the words she wrote.
I rarely have mail in my mailbox. We have a 1/2 wall of small metal boxes for mail in our lobby. I hate junk mail and was told by the postal service to put a red dot inside my mailbox and it would no longer be delivered to me. It works! So easy!
I miss the days I had a house and mail came through the mail slot on the door and you got to know the postal worker and shared pleasantries. It was a ritual.
I only make occasional cards now for my grandkids and send them mail. No one writes back or acknowledges they recieved them. I get occasional Christmas letters from old friends. They are always full of the wonderful things they or their kids have done and trips they have enjoyed. I don’t have much to share. I will start a letter and not mail it.
I love jam. Especially apricot on homemade warm buns. My grandmother and mother both made the best! They lived in a fruit growing area. I did make some freezer jam when I was younger. Now I buy Grand Maman French jam as it tastiest and most like homemade to me. I love apple butter. It was sold in the East where I lived and apple orchards were thriving. It reminds me of the changing seasons.
I did read Anne of Green Gables. It’s a Canadian book. I have books I have read and don’t remember what most are about. I usually part with fiction more quickly. I buy books about what I am experiencing in life. I have books on death and dying, Alzheimers, healing hands, scattered minds, midlife divorce, finding your North Star, Life transitions, all sorts of wellness etc etc. I had to buy them as most libraries did not carry them. Always searching for answers and meaning. I am now shedding many of them. It’s time. I don't want my kids to have to do it after I go. Hoping to create more susable space in my small spare room.`1st
Dust mites are attracted to books…..less sneezing if they are gone. Allergies get worse as I age. At least those are the excuses I use.
I walk a regular route and yes I do talk to strangers. So funny as this habit embarrassed me terribly about my Mom. Especially easy to start a conversation with are those with small kids or dogs! Just small talk but some days that is the only communication I seem to have with a human being. Having moved so much I found just getting to know the people working in shops or cafes near me helped me eventually feel ok in my new neighborhood. They brighten my day.
Things have changed. Not everyone one is as friendly and open. I find living in a condo it is better to keep your distance. A quick hello is enough but some I have to avoid completely. Mental health issues seem to be everywhere today. Things have changed since Covid and isolation.
Amy I found various support groups I joined when I was going through difficult times did help me even briefly. I am not a joiner! Take care. I really enjoy your writing.
Gail…. Gail… Gail…. Whatever has given you the sense that you don’t have something to share to write back to the friends who send you letters was wrong! Correspondences don’t have to be about trips or big events. Look at this letter you just shared here and how full of goodness it is. From apricot jam (homemade!) to the wonderful collection of stamps you have and the remaining letter from a childhood correspondence. And then the books you are looking at…. It all tells a story. I am glad that you get out and that you find people you feel comfortable at least saying hello to. I know from having seen your art through the years that you make beautiful cards for family, and I am sad to know that those are not mentioned. Like you, I grew up having to write letters to certain family members. But I know that kids today typically don’t have that same experience. I hope you have a good week ahead. Thank you for reading and responding.
My husband and I wrote letters during our early relationship phase because long distance calls were too expensive. Sometimes he would correct my letters with a red pen😂😂 and write his responses on the sides. We still have these in a box in the attic - I need to go dig them out now!
Also can't think of jam without singing Space Jam in my brain 🫠🤪🥴😂
Correcting your letters, oh no! That’s very funny, Melissa. Obviously it worked out okay, right? If you dig those letters out, I bet it will be an interesting trip down memory lane. Space Jam :)
Well. I have many things to say to many items in your post. Here's the first response: Don't worry about whether you have depth. You've got depth in spades...I just had to look up what that means...Maybe a reference to the card game bridge. Spades have the highest value of any suit. I love learning. I agree with you about many things re: pen pals here. I feel like I have a pen pal relationship with so many people. People who comment, for sure. I love the back and forth of responding to comments. I'm getting to know so many people that way. I don't think I could take on the added responsibility of a dedicated pen pal, a snail mail pen pal. I hardly ever write by hand these days, and am so accustomed to the immediate gratification of texts/web/email. But I miss those days, too. I was a stellar card sender. Loved doing it for occasions and for no reason at all. And yes, to the world being a much better place if everyone did 12 Step programs. I'm all for it, and fantasize about it regularly. So much becomes possible as far as empowered communication when people speak the same language, and feel safe to do so. I feel like you're a pen pal for me, for sure. You open up worlds of questions and a multitude of answers, and I'm so very grateful that we found each other on the platform. You've definitely helped me grow as a writer, I look a little more deeply when I write partly because of the details you observe in yourself, and the world around you. I look a little more deeply, too, now. So much to say and not enough time right now. And yes, to Griffin and Sabine, and how did it hold up for you? What's cool about writing here? I never run out of paper, stamps, or ink! And there's an unending supply of people to pen pal around with. And you can get a sense of what's on their bingo cards just by taking a look at their writing. xoxo Lots of love to you, Amy!
Thank you for reading, Nan. I’m from a family of card players, and we enjoy Spades (which is, indeed, a trick taking game), but I’d never really thought about the “in spades” saying before. Interesting! I agree that for those writing substacks (like you), it can be a challenge to keep up with and connect and deepen connections with lots of people here….so much so that it can be a challenge to keep up and other correspondences might seem impossible. But I think there’s potential in intentional exchanges that find just the right bit of balance and nudge. I really appreciate the insight into 12-step programs you and other writers offer. Have a good week.
Thanks, Amy! The week started with a bang. I'm experiencing a lot of interest in the new stack, and people are actually HIRING me to help them. It's a little like a rollercoaster at the moment. Looking for the middle way there, too. xoxo Have a great week!
Bingo cards sound brilliant! I tried but my pen pal effort didn’t go very far. It’s hard to continue to write when you haven’t received one letter. I could write a lot about grief. I lost my son when he was five years old. What resonated with me was your comment that you don’t trust the idea of opening yourself wide open when you are so vulnerable. It has been 18 years and I still don’t trust more than a handful of people with my loss. I know this grief is part of my love and connection to Christopher and I am not willing to share it give up some of that. It will always be that way. You don’t have to trust others if you don’t want. It’s your sacred space!
Totally agree that a correspondence doesn’t work if the other player doesn’t participate! Thank you for your words about your loss. I appreciate this. I am sorry for the loss you and your family suffered. I know from other things you have said that you all continue to celebrate Christopher’s life and memory in special ways. I am glad that you have such a close family, too. ❤️
I am a periodic letter writer, consistent if slow to mail, and have engaged in some fun art/book swaps via the mail. I had an unpleasant pen pal experience a few years ago though … there was a letter exchange in my state. I always wrote to the folks assigned but never heard back, except from one person, who responded to my letter in another language (which you could do as an option), with corrections! Not really a nice letter to get in return! So I guess my bingo card would be: books, art, kindness :-)
That must have been such a disappointing experience, Kristen! I never understand when people don’t follow through on things like that — or when they don’t approach them with, as you say, kindness. Those are good bingo parameters! Thank you for commenting.
I have always loved the mail, the post office, stamps, postcards, stationary. One of my dream jobs was to be a mail carrier. It doesn’t feel the same now, mail isn’t really a part of the world these days. I never need stamps, a hardly ever check my mail.
I wrote lots of letters as a kid, to relatives, friends traveling. I had a couple of prison penpals as part of a justice project through the UU church. I had a good blogger friend who spent time in jail and I wrote her often. For a while resolved to send a postcard a week, to random people in my address book. I have participated in various snail mail exchanges for postcards, atcs, hand painted papers. I love trading art and want my walls covered with unique things created by people I know.
I love an illustrated letter, on any surface. I try to search out books of illustrated letters. I actually think of my journal as kind of an illustrated letter, it is probably the same kind of drawing I would include in a letter.
While packing, I found my hundreds of postcards and postage stamps. Maybe I need to start refilling my address book.
I think our journals ARE illustrated letters -- it's a good way to think of them. I love hearing how so many of you/us had rich letter-writing experiences in the past.... and the general sense that all that has changed now. Something, surely, has been lost. Good luck with the move this week -- cheers to having a new address!
"This is some tiny thread I hold." Oh, Amy, that is such a comprehensive detail to notice. Thread can be so very strong, sometimes invisible, sometimes decorative, often times functional. I enjoyed this post so much. What do I think of when I think of jam? The first thing is my husband - our joke is we're JaMin' - Jim and Mary - JaM. Jim used to make blueberry jam, and called it JimiJam. We love jam on his biscuits, hot from the oven. Cool jam on a warm biscuit is the ultimate comfort food and experience for me. I make strawberry jam, and strawberry-blueberry jam. It's a sticky tie that binds us together.
Mary - Thank you for this comment — and for the shared appreciation for the potential in a strand of thread. I love your JaM story — what a wonderful and unexpected connection — and that Jim made blueberry jam! I love knowing this and that you have these threads, too. ❤️
This post made me think of a couple pieces of mail art I made in college. They were illustrated/ mixed media accordion books. On the cover (sort of a wrap around with a flap) was the address so it could be mailed without an envelope. I started them and then mailed one to my mom and one to my younger cousin to complete, and they mailed them back. They were very different in theme and meaning, but the correspondence and the art object that came from each was quite special. (Kind of makes me want to try an accordion book sketchbook… so easily tempted by slight variations in paper, sizes, and formats of sketchbooks… 🤦♀️ I just ordered a landscape style sketchbook to explore creating visuals horizontally relating to a personal project I am working on, so I’ve already gone down that rabbit hole in one distracting direction. I need to focus.)
I love your description of your cross street, and the forest many zooms deep. I enjoyed so much in this post.
I haven’t had a pen pal since elementary school, but it does seem like a nice connection. I remember getting letters from my grandmother (in the same ballpoint pen and cursive that my husband’s grandmother used, dated at the top as “Sunday morning” or “Tuesday afternoon”.) As my grandmother lost her eyesight to macular degeneration, she continued to write, but would occasionally lose her place and start over in a spot overlapping rows of text she already wrote. But she kept writing. It’s nice to still have some of those letters now.
I am not a fancy paper type, but I am “the just right” paper type… the way the ink flows on it...black ink, no lines, no monogram, just white paper usually. I don’t eat jam or jelly, but I do think of Bread and Jam for Francis. I have not read Anne of Green Gables, but I have a beautifully illustrated copy from my grandmother on my shelf that I should read, but I probably won’t. I own lots of books that I have only looked at the pictures. I should read them.
Your end-of-the-week Substack comment pen pal,
Erin
I think it is perfect to have an end-of-week-comment pen pal! lol. Thank you, Erin. I appreciated your letter, and I love the image you created of your grandmother’s letters, too. That “Sunday morning” thing….. there’s something so special about that kind of locking into a moment for context. I don’t think of you as someone who jumps around often, so it’s interesting to see you feeling that way about the current project and books. I hope you enjoy getting started in the landscape format. I did a homemade accordion or two for a sequence of portraits, and I enjoyed it. Collaborative sketchbooks through the mail can be fun…. I imagine postage these days makes them a much different proposition though. I would have imagined you might have enjoyed Anne of Green Gables along the way! Have a good week ahead.
Griffin and Sabine, Anne of Green Gables-fog clearing and settling back in like the breath of a sleeping dragon I imagine our nearby mountains to be..or that is what I tell my grandsons when driving them to school. So many interesting humans in this world and writing letters and postcards at different points in life has been a part of my past to people I knew well and to people I wanted to get to know well- letters seemed to slow down and make the joy of the relationship have more impact somehow. Through exploring new places, through grief. I loved this letter Amy, thank you for the time and the energy. No jam for me, but peanut butter-definitely lots of peanut butter.
Thank you for reading and commenting, Lisa. I love this image of the sleeping dragon of the mountains. What a wonderful things for your grandsons. Such a great moment of fog. This is a good perspective on letters, this ability to connect with people everywhere and at various points in time “to people I knew well and to people I wanted to know well.” Yes….. letters help lay the groundwork. Yes to peanut butter. Nutty or smooth?
I do buy a few sheet of forever stamps before the price goes up. Every time.
I am currently in the Lovely Letter Community, which is based in Australia (which I didn’t realize when I joined) and I’m in the US. There’s a monthly sign up to be matched up. I’ve been in it for 3 years and most people don’t keep up the back and forth - myself included as I just replied to 9 letters from 5 months ago that I just…didn’t respond to timely. Most of the women (I’ve never seen a man participate) are 20+ years older than my mid40s.
I find it fascinating how so many people jump in with the private details of their lives. I tend to talk about the weather and the seasons - which is interesting to me when we are in different hemispheres. But I have read about losing parents and caring for parents, surgeries and moves and kids and adult kid problems. A recent multi paragraph disclosure about Covid and WHO they should have kept to themselves imo (I didn’t write back). I think there is a sort of release in sending your “things” to someone who doesn’t really know you, a bit like a journal someone else will read.
The decorated and filled envelopes come up in the group’s Facebook page - people are hurt or feel left out, depending on if they get it or can’t send it etc. It’s interesting to have a Facebook group with instant access for a penpal group where it takes on average 4 weeks for my letter to get there.
I also enjoy Postcrossing, which is more just sending mail and getting a different mail in return, not much of an individual exchange.
I check my mail everyday. My mind is a bit blown to read so many comments of people who don’t check their mail often. Haha that is so foreign to me. I’ve been interested with (getting) mail all through life, having several pen pals growing up and on and off through adult life. My mom and I have kept a “circle journal” until this year for the last 22 years, mailing a journal back and forth.
I can never use a jar of jam or jelly before it goes bad. I have some strawberry preserves type from a major brand in the fridge now, the cheapest one since I know it will go bad but was wanting some jam on toast anyway.
Your circle journal with your mom is amazing. Wow! That’s quite a long-standing project, and what a treasure that must be. I think so many things like that have fallen by the wayside since most of us text or dart of quick messages or share things in one app or another. I think it’s wonderful you do that. Your comments about the pen pal communities are interesting….definitely I’ve seen a lot of people talk about writing people and no one writing back. Like you said, I think what a pair decide to talk about will have a lot to do with whether or not a pen pal correspondence really works. I think people do often think of letters as open ground….interesting, isn’t it. Thanks for commenting!