21 Comments

I said how fine I am.

With tears in my eyes, I said how fine I am.

Boy. Do I relate to this.

So much to say about this post, Amy. You're the most wonderful writer. I feel so lucky to have made a friend in you this year. It's one of the top items on my annual gratitude list.

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What a nice comment to see, Nan. You are so generous with your kind words (not just to me), and I am very grateful to have met you here at Substack this year, too. I hope December is giving you plenty of time for calm.

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I'm hoping that I can grab the calm. My plan of the moment is to take the last two weeks of the year off from work. I envision spending the time writing and planning marketing strategies for my upcoming podcast. Oh, and fitting in a little socializing, because it is good for me, even though I have to fight through my resistance sometimes. xo

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I hope you manage the downtime AND a bit of socializing. Definitely good for you. I look forward to seeing where you go with your podcast.

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The podcast is just going to be me telling the stories I've written. Maybe it'll evolve into something else over time, but I don't see myself interviewing people. I want a recorded treasury of my essays. Hopefully people beyond Substackland will want to listen to them in Appleville and Spotifyburg. xo

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That line about saying how fine you are with tears in your eyes caught me too. I know this well too.

I love the melancholy beauty of this piece and I love that tree of cranes. I want to send you love and hope.

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Thank you, Holly. I really appreciate you reading (an odd piece) and commenting. The tree is amazing. I hope you are feeling okay - and either on the road or close to your people, whichever is what you most need in December. I love that so many of us can find the beauty in quiet moments.

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Yes. Thank goodness for quiet moments.

I’m looking forward to a little solitude for the holidays this year. Staying at my cousin’s while she’s away and looking forward to snuggling up by her fire with some reading and writing.

I hope you’re also finding whatever you most need.

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Beautiful pictures and great post. Lovely prompts. I am stuck was finally able to get much needed repairs to my home from a community grant. It was a true blessing, and continues to be a process. Chaotic joy, memories for company, and the bliss of being here now, from circumstances. The new year is nearly here full of things never imagined. Thank you Amy and Blessed be

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I’m so glad you have had support and things have gone in the right direction, Jetton. That is wonderful to hear. I hope the things never imagined that are coming with the new year have some good in them! Thank you for reading and commenting.

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Thank you for sharing your words Amy, and the photos of the beautiful crane trees! Totally epic, what special memories. My crane wreath survived the move cross country. It didn’t fit in the moving truck and I almost just tossed it. My husband stashed it in the overloaded family van and I was sure it would end up smooshed with all the suitcases going in and out every night. But it made it!

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Wow! That is made its journey that way and didn’t get crushed is amazing. I’m so glad though. That was such a labor of love and determination on your part. I hope it was hung this year in your new place and is part of the memories you are creating there. It was a big year for all of you.

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What a magical tree - especially considering that each one is a prayer for peace 💕💕💕 I would love to see it

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Really beautiful, Melissa. You would love it!

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Lovely tree, lovely writing! Thank you for sharing, as always.

One newer Christmas movie I watch each year is "The Christmas Chronicles," with Kurt Russell as Santa. It's on Prime.

I've tried to watch Hallmark movies, but they are such treacle, with bad scripts, bad direction and pedestrian set design.

I haven't put up a Christmas tree since the kids left home around the turn of the century. But Christmas spirit isn't tied up in pine boughs anyway. This year Christmas Day is also the first night of Chanukah, so that's when I'm going to give my Jewish husband some of that maple sugar candy he loves so much.

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Treacle.... great word, Fran.

I hope you are enjoying the month. I think steering clear of expectations is a good plan. That doesn't mean, for everyone, no tree, but I hope we each find our way through the month as peacefully as possible.

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I brought an amaryllis home with me recently- the first time in too long...I will think of you and your amaryllis unfurling all those miles away as it unfurls here in Cornwall England

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Zannie - I hope your amaryllis is growing/opening nicely! Mine is still gaining length but growing measurably each day. I hope you are enjoying a peaceful December!

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Oh...that tree of paper cranes! It's really quite magical, isn't it? How are they collected/created? Are the messages on them related to a theme or just whatever someone feels inclined to write? (I could most certainly read this at the link you shared, but I'm taking the interpersonal route - heh.) Knowing what the scenes look like in person, you may think I'm off the mark here, but there is something about the city in the picture with you and your mom that reflects a similar white-angled beauty. Like the buildings are the beginning of another tree. I think a paper crane tradition might be a good one, but I'm not sure my family would comply.

By the way, I like your short hair. I don't remember seeing a picture of you that way until now. It's spunky!

Saying how fine you are with tears in your eyes.

Saying this: "Finding ways and patterns to bring more of that inner me to the surface is always the quest, a modern day hero’s journey, the kind of journey so many of us are mapping."

They're not easy, these lives we live, and sometimes they're pretty damned hard. I hope your thumb runs across points of joy alongside the ache of separation and loss.

For what it's worth, I've been known to recruit people to wrap their own packages. Anything without an identifying label is fair game. Or I give one person someone else's gifts to wrap and vice versa. A few years ago, I decided I was SO DONE with being the sequestered in a back bedroom until 2a on Christmas Eve, still trying to "make the holiday special." Letting it go is a good approach, but I'm too much of a traditionalist to be willing to go there, at least so far. Thus, Beelzebub joins up with Mrs. Claus.

Sending light your way, Amy.

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Stay off of substack. Enjoy time with your family home!

I'm not certain of the procurement of those wishes, though I think it's through the website. I know each year there are weeks of volunteer dates for various parts of the process. (I don't know what happens to the cranes each year after the tree is taken down.)

That's very funny about having people wrap their own packages. Hah! That's an interesting approach, but it's also the kind of thing family lore is built from. My mom often used numbers, and there were often issues when the corresponding list was lost (or incorrect).

Enjoy your day!

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My mom did the same thing, Amy! Or, she'd wrap in a particular kind of paper thinking she'd remember who got what. She didn't. It was always kind of hilarious to open my father's socks or brother's sweatshirt. Doing it intentionally would be a fun way to gamify gift giving. Guess who this is for. The person who gets the most right gets an extra gift. :)

I'm going to try to take your advice to give myself space from all the device-based distractions. I won't expect 100% disconnect (I need to be out of range, hiking the AT or something, to pull that off 🌄) but I can dial back for sure. Family time is so special. Thank you.

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