Stuck in My Head

When song fragments break through in haunting whistles, 100+ list ideas, and prompts for Week 17

(The above audio is Episode 495 of the Creativity Matters Podcast.)

"Between the idea and the reality, between the motion and the act, falls the shadow." — T. S. Eliot

Happy Sunday!

Is there a song stuck in your head today?

There are always things stuck in my head. Usually what is stuck isn’t important, is a non-sequitur, or is taking up space where something I might like to remember could be. But we often have no control over what floats to the top. We often don’t know what has stirred the surface, set things in motion, swirling and rippling, connections lost and connections found.

I got a song stuck in my head recently. I found myself whistling it over and over, just a few bars. But I couldn’t place it. It’s classical. It’s immediately recognizable, in the “you know you know it” way. But can you name it?

Despite thinking, almost thirty years ago, that I would become the type of person who knows classical music, I never really did. Last year, when I was first trying to sift our things, dig out, and thin the shelves, I boxed hundreds of CDs. We don’t even have a CD player. They were just taking up space.

We moved a box or two to the basement, unable to quite let go. But most of the classical CDs stayed upstairs. I kept one small shelf full of classical music, thinking it might be worth it to go old-school, buy an inexpensive cd player, listen again, and, of course, somehow track that experience of going through, listening, learning, and getting rid of any that don’t resonate now. I’m more particular now.

There was something nice about the idea, something different than pulling up thousands of options at Spotify.

I got a song stuck in my head, one we probably all know,

I couldn’t name the song. 

I couldn’t figure out why it was in my head.

I’ve never used a music recognition app, and I don’t have space to install anything new. I tried searching online in a dozen creative ways, including looking at lists of popular or well-known classical songs and trying to phonetically search based on the sounds, “du du du du dun dun dun, dun, dun, dun du dun dun du dun dun.” (You might be surprised by how many people have tried this. It was a moment where our shared humanity, our similarities, rose to the surface so clearly.)

I didn’t find it.

I tried searching with a microphone (after checking to see if that was possible), but whistling to my computer wasn’t enough for it to pick up the sound.

Finally, I went down the hall and said, “Listen to this….” 

I prepared to whistle.

But being on the spot made me laugh, and it’s hard to whistle when you are laughing. It took a bit for me to be able to whistle the few notes.

My listener got it right.

“Fleur de lis,” I was told.

Close enough.

It’s “Für Elise” by Beethoven.

I was all set. I caught myself whistling it dozens of times after that, over and over, obsessively, out of the blue. Haunting. I still don’t know why it was in my head.

Then something John Denver showed up and edged Beethoven out. No idea where I picked it up. I can’t remember now what it was. It wasn’t “Country Roads.” (I have country roots, so that one has meaning for me, but it wasn’t that.) Maybe it wasn’t Denver at all.

But then, something classical showed up again. After a day or so, I was confused. Was this same thing I had been whistling before? Or had I picked up or unearthed another fragment? I stood in front of a doorway again, my whistling face on. “Listen.”

“That’s Moonlight Sonata.”

“Oh, okay.”

But then, today, still whistling, confused by how I had jumped to something else, I stopped and checked.

Definitely not Moonlight Sonata. Definitely still whistling “Für Elise.” Apparently a lot of people think of it as “Fleur de lis.” (“Für Elise” is German, “For Elise.”)

Liszt. Chopin. Debussy. Beethoven.

Favorites.

I had such hope. 

We even bought all the Baby <insert composer name here> CDs. We had hope for our boys.

But I seem to have aged into someone who whistles haunting snippets with no sense of where they came from, what song or symphony or movement they belong to, or what shook them free from the cobwebs. (You’re probably thinking I heard them on a commercial, but that isn’t it.)

Something else I’ve been whistling, breaking up my classical days, which is probably why I got confused about my “Für Elise” was something haunting. I don’t know what it was, still. So often we whistle or hum or sing fragments without really realizing we are doing it. And then, like a dream, when we try and narrow in on them, they vanish. Whatever it was brought to mind the song from Hunger Games, “The Hanging Tree.” That wasn’t it though. (Stray connection: “Rue’s Whistle.”)

I guess I need to start making a note each day about what my earworms are. I’m finding it complicated to sort them out, but it is also hard to clear them out.

I used to be much better about tracking. I feel I am circling back around.

I used to always have music on. I made hundreds of playlists. In college, I wrote to loud music, CDs I didn’t know, creating a white noise that thrummed behind my words. These days, I keep videos on while I work, an endless stream of noise, talking noise. I seem to crave talking noise. But when I write….

Silence.

Maybe today I’ll turn something on while I work. Maybe I’ll turn something on later when I write. Maybe I’ll pull up some classical. Maybe I’ll listen, gathering new fragments, reminding myself of favorite sounds, letting my words float along in lilting patterns, high and clear, and maybe just a bit haunting.

So much feels haunting these days, haunting and just out of reach, wispy memories.

I wrote a post for today, a listy post of ideas for your journals. It sprawled from 12 to 100. That was today’s post, but then I wrote about whistling a little fragment.

It took a whole letter to carry you along with my earworm confusion. I wanted to put you in the moment of not knowing, to put you in that moment of standing, trying to compose yourself to whistle on demand, getting tripped up as the days run together, and also falling backwards into the days before, the years, the hopes and wishes, the physical clutter that remains.

Why hold onto boxes and boxes of CDs? Why hold on to the hope that someday, we’ll be able to know, recognize, identify the this’s or that’s in a given category: classical music, birds, native plants, endangered species, types of cheese, shades of sky.

So what to do. I typically put whatever it is below, but I am facing facts. Shorter is better. Even this intro letter is too long for most. I considered posting separately tomorrow or mid-week. But really, the 100+ List Ideas for Your Journal is the “focus” of today.

The whistling is just a breaking-the-ice interlude as we sit and let our tea cool enough to drink or talk while we wait for the coffee to brew before we move to cozy chairs. (This is absolutely metaphorical, of course.)

I thought about saving the lists until next week, but something else small will likely come up that will then suck up all the air in the intro. I enjoy the Sunday letter. Oh well, I think it’s a bad idea that I post multiple things on the same day, but that’s where we are. I posted the 100+ lists separately (with a prompt). I’ll link you through below.

I think I did my favorite comic affirmation so far of my 100 Day Project a day or so ago. We are in the 60s now. With 64 today, I can’t miss the opportunity to do an 8x8 grid. I’ve got 63 in place and am waiting to add today’s drawing. I’ll be sharing an update soon. (I’ve been posting some of them at Instagram, and paid subscribers can see the day-by-day updates in the weekly posts.)

I appreciate those of you who comment.

I appreciate when a hand is held out here or there. Don’t take it personally when I am slow to respond. It’s me. Some of you challenge my ability to keep up. Some of you challenge my walls and filters. Some of you challenge my skepticism that anything is more than superficial, that anything lasts.

This is the beauty of writing for a small group. We can have tea.

Amy

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Lists for Your Illustrated Journal

📃 100+ lists to use in your journals, sketchbooks, and planners

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The Weekly Bits and Pieces

🎯🖋️ Week 17 prompts for your illustrated journal

💭💥 Days 57-63 of Comic Affirmations (paid subscribers)

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Made It?

Thank you for reading. It’s nice to get comments. Let me know what stands out for you or what you think after reading. Or feel free to dive into any of these:

• If you enjoy classical music, who is your favorite composer? Favorite piece?

• What is the most recent earworm you remember?

• Do you still own a CD player?

• What do you listen to when you write? Draw? Walk? (The answers are not necessarily musical.)

Thank you to those who continue to read and support this space. It means the world.

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