Todays read was very interesting and novel. Novella, maybe. Your introduction may be some of the finest imagery work I have read. And I learned a new word. I read all of your offerings. It’s overwhelming and sad to acknowledge lonliness in many of it’s ways. I often feel lonliness in specific ways while not really loving a lonely life. I love theater, opera, live concerts. My partner who is an outdoorsman does not. Together, we attend important function when a family member is performing. But not much else. I love my life with him but feeding the live of these other things means I have to seek someone out who might want to attend, it not. And attending alone. Or worse, using the media to provide content that I enjoy so much in person. And I am grateful for that but just feel unsettled and discouraged with my reality.
Thank you for reading, Pattie, and for commenting. I agree that being alone and lonely are often different things. I also think it can be really hard to feel either of those things when it seems that you shouldn’t. I know you are grateful for much, and I am sorry if things feel discouraging. I hope that there are ways to bring more balance to fulfilling the things you enjoy and that nourish you — without feeling lonely in the process.
Do you remember when people used to "go postal?" And granola was a way to label someone as a hippy. We're going on a trip in our favorite rocket ship...
I share your fear of a demise going unseen. There was even mention of this in my neighborhood newsletter, urging people to check on their neighbors. I just talked to the head of the community garden about caregiving, and where to leave important information if something were to happen. She also cares for someone who is mostly non-speaking. Are they trapped with us when that nebulous thing happens?
"The organization side has mostly been temporarily derailed, and despite my intentions, I may just be replicating chaos in the new system." <-- This describes my unpacking perfectly.
OMG… that first line is a riot. We definitely enjoyed The Little Einsteins. I hope you get a handle on the unpacking….or make peace for now with the boxes and a slower pace that feels right. I totally understand your concerns about an emergency in your house. There must be some creative solution for calling for help or raising an alarm…. It’s good to think it through. I hope you have a good week ahead.
🚀🖋️ thanks for mentioning the story about Denise P. at Wells Fargo. I have a few circles of thought about that circumstance that keep returning to me. I hope it is not the end of that story.
Interesting, Lauren. I just can’t quite see how the Monday went unobserved. I feel like it’s a story that will never be more than the headline it was, but it was definitely eye opening. I saw your comment in our coffee thread today about the wash. I am looking forward to seeing where that goes! Thank you for reading.
Oooh, all five. Nice! I hope your team did well today, we missed you. While we haven’t “really” talked about things in our group, it has meant a lot to have the group of you there as a point of normalcy in these months - and before. I’m grateful you are part of that. There were two threads today that I wished you had been there for. Have a good week.
I loved this format of fragments and vignettes, Amy! I’m on the last day of my trip and my posts for next week are on my mind. Your post about loneliness and isolation (among other things) connects with some experiences I’ve had this week with friendship and shame. I think it may lead to a post, I’ll tag you whenever it goes out.
I hope your trip has been good, Jason….although your words sound like it may have been a challenge. I hope some good came out of it - and that it was maybe a restful getaway on some level. Thank you for reading and commenting — and I look forward to seeing where your post and haiku lead after your trip. Have a safe trip home.
Stamp - I mail at least one card a week, and if it's just one, it's to my son. He and I talked every Monday evening at 7 CST, and he always tells me what he would like for the week's card, and I draw it. If he's saved every one, he should have over 200 by now. Stamps are some of my favorite things. I love to send mail.
Oh, wow! What an amazing tradition you have with your mail to your son — and it’s pretty awesome that he participates in that way, too. (Really!) I saw there were some really cool new stamps out. I don’t need stamps - but I did notice the newest set!
That’s a beautiful thought of the flowers and a remembrance for this person. I haven’t seen any other information, but is is certainly a sad story. I am sorry that these have been hard years. I know you continue to deal with a great deal. I hope there is some support. The tree sounds beautiful, and certain in the cyclical progression. Thank you for joining in here, Kathi.
I really appreciated the "assemblage of fragments" here, Amy. Life is like that so often, at least for me. A thought or experience emerges, takes a little shape, then gives way to something else. Sure, there are times I get stuck, typically when I'm anxious and my mind runs in an endless loop of 'what ifs.' But more often its waves on the sand, one coming in and going out, followed by another. I like that you're allowing for these thoughts to develop further, for new details to emerge.
I loved learning about CQ / Seek You and browsed through the sample read on Amazon. I've never been especially attracted to graphic novels, but that one looks to be one I could enjoy (most are too busy for me; my brain spends too much energy trying to find the storyline amid all the images).
This is the second time in a week that a writer has called me to think about the implications of dying alone. It may, in fact, become a piece of its own for me - we'll see. I keep pondering the nuances of this expectation but haven't come to anything ready for public consumption, just a sense that there is more there than being afraid to die alone. Beyond the fear of the unknown, I think it comes down to connection, to knowing that we matter. And how do we ensure that those around us know they matter? Are there ways we can do that daily as well as more deeply, for friends and strangers? I feel sadness around your loneliness and want to believe the grief group is a good thing, but of course, I can't know if this is true. Loneliness is case sensitive.
I had not seen the Wells Fargo story. I don't take in a lot of news, or at least not through traditional channels.
I haven't sent any postcards, but I have sent cards and letters. Do those count?
I just signed up for a free, 5 day "event" called Quiet 15 which will focus on silence and the sacred. That feels like the right kind of challenge for me. Happy to share the link for anyone interested. I'm not personally associated -- found it through another Substack writer.
Granola, only I don't really eat it much anymore, I used to make big batches of it.
Maybe your library has Seek You? It is a surprisingly dense graphic novel — more than 300 pages. But it is packed with a combination of memoir and an almost documentary-like survey over time. Really well done. That is an interesting thought-line about dying alone… good food for thought for us all. I think I am probably way too “fine” in many ways for the group, but I agree, it’s probably still a good thing. I’ve never made granola, but there is someone on this street who occasionally leaves a container on my step, and it’s the best thing ever. I’m going to be talking more about postcards. Communication in all forms is good, yes, and I love knowing you are a frequent mailer. I hope Quiet 15 goes well. I haven’t heard of that. Is it writing based — or mindfulness? There is an interesting month focused on letters starting this week, too. I hope you had a nice weekend — and a happy equinox.
Alone and lonely are two different things that connect and disconnect. I often feel alone in a group of people, separate, different, not belonging but I like alone time. Loneliness for me comes in moments where I just want to roll over in bed and talk about something that's worrying me or I just need a cuddle.
My dread is I will die alone and one of my kids will have to find me.
I'm off to eat my granola now. Still a newish word for me here in New Zealand, mostly we would just call it muesli but granola is a little fancier and more expensive. I usually decant the two together to make it go further
Yes, Lisa, I am with you. They are different ….and shifting, although sometimes they run along similar lines. People can certainly be lonely even when not alone. Oof….the worry. I guess granola is really common here….and muesli maybe less so. I tend to mix cereals, too. Variety is good ;) —Thank you for reading. I hope you enjoyed the granola combo and have a good week ahead.
Apple butter. And how can I not love you and your writing when you say things like “Because I am always connecting dots and gathering threads and peeling at the palimpsest, there are always things that come up that I want to follow at some point.” Yikes that’s good. Palimpsest is one of my favorite words. And I read another post today that mentioned origami cranes. And being alone vs. loneliness. That. I’m rarely lonely. I spend a lot of time alone. I worry about no one missing me should I die in my house alone. But I worry more about my pets who I crate at night. What if I died in my sleep? No one would notice for days. Maybe my therapist would notice but would she investigate. Probably. I’ll talk to her about it tomorrow (kind of laughing here). But who else? Maybe my friends in my 12 Step meeting. But we don’t have info on where any one lives. Okay. I’m starting to spin out a little, so I’ll move on. Postcards. I didn’t send one but I gave one in August. It’s a long story. I’ll save it for another day. Excited about submitting selfies for your portrait project. Just have to get past how much I hate taking selfies! AND one hour a week isn’t enough. I’m here and totally would love to talk or Zoom. Great post, Amy, my very thought-filled friend!
Definitely a favorite word! I think aloneness and loneliness can be complicated for many of us, even when social realities are different. But I think the story of the employee definitely invites us to stop and think about what kind of plan we have. I think your people would notice, Nan. I really do! I’m looking forward to the selfies - and thank you for being first to raise your hand. I appreciate that! Selfies are not scary. Use the black and white setting, stick your arm out there and snap. Whole head. Take a dozen. lol. It’s a good thing for people to do! Thank you for reading and commenting.
xoxo! I don't agree with you, not because my people aren't the kind of people who show up for others, but more because we're all so wrapped up in our own lives, that's easy to forget there are others out there. We're all so busy. I think about my friends regularly, but I can go weeks without contact with some of my closest friends. It's a reality that many of us deal with.
I remember you telling me how much you liked her at the time. The book in that note was The Book of Form and Emptiness, mentioned to me by another reader in a a comment. I haven’t read anything else by her. I know A Tale for the Time Being is one to read. I just haven’t gotten there. I’ve pulled dozens of books this summer, and so far, I’m just not really sinking into anything. I checked out a few over the weekend that I know might be able to hook me. So we’ll see. From your bookseller days, what’s your go-to recommendation when someone needs to lose themselves in a book? I’m always curious what people recommend. Have a good week. (Looking forward to hearing the postcard story.)
I lost myself in A Tale for the Time Being, and a MG/YA book called Everything Sad is Untrue by Daniel Nayeri. That might be a good for you. It's one of the most beautiful books I've ever read (read 3 times in the last 1.5 years). I'll let you look it up. Sending love! xoxo
I wish read things in lists that I wouldn’t bother in not list form.
I sent that article about the woman worker to my work team. Due to my partner’s job I am alone a lot for weeks at a time and we have moved a lot and most (all?) of my friends live in my phone and I work from home. I always wonder how long I would lay here dead before someone noticed. People say they would notice but I do wonder. 🤪
People would notice. I didn’t mean to worry us! But it is good to have plans and safety nets — checkin systems. I agree with you about lists. Thank you for reading and commenting.
I always learn things from you Amy, and you always make me think. This time I also looked at a dictionary in the learning process. Thanks for broadening my knowledge and view, as always.
You describe such a hard reality of being alone and being lonely. I am someone that needs and prefers a lot of time to be alone, but we all need a human connection. I have my core people…or person. Losing that and navigating from there is very heavy to think about. And making meaningful connections can be very hard for so many. It is sad to think of more and more isolation and loneliness in our society.
I liked your “kaleidoscope,” “assemblage of fragments” format, by the way, and your description that followed about the “constellation of light scattered across the floor” is just beautiful. As so often appears in your writing, such a vivid, visual description.
Thank you, Erin. I appreciate you reading and commenting. I, too, do well alone in many ways. I think you’ve got it though in thinking through the what if. Thank you for the comments on the opening bits. I appreciate that there are those of you that respond to moments like that. Have a good weekend!
Postal apple butter. Really enjoyed reading this, Amy. I'm sorry for your recent loss. I hadn't seen the Wells Fargo story, but clicked over to read it. It's sad, but I can see it happening. I lived alone for about five years between marriages and there were many weekends that, had I died at the office, no one would have noticed until Monday morning. My own mom died alone at home and it took a couple of days of her not answering my phone calls before we sent someone to check on her.
Thank you for reading and commenting, Linda. I agree that story is sad because, exactly as you've described, there are many scenarios in which it can easily happen. I'm so sorry to hear about your mom. I love it when "apple butter" shows up. It seems such a thing of the past!
Todays read was very interesting and novel. Novella, maybe. Your introduction may be some of the finest imagery work I have read. And I learned a new word. I read all of your offerings. It’s overwhelming and sad to acknowledge lonliness in many of it’s ways. I often feel lonliness in specific ways while not really loving a lonely life. I love theater, opera, live concerts. My partner who is an outdoorsman does not. Together, we attend important function when a family member is performing. But not much else. I love my life with him but feeding the live of these other things means I have to seek someone out who might want to attend, it not. And attending alone. Or worse, using the media to provide content that I enjoy so much in person. And I am grateful for that but just feel unsettled and discouraged with my reality.
Thank you for reading, Pattie, and for commenting. I agree that being alone and lonely are often different things. I also think it can be really hard to feel either of those things when it seems that you shouldn’t. I know you are grateful for much, and I am sorry if things feel discouraging. I hope that there are ways to bring more balance to fulfilling the things you enjoy and that nourish you — without feeling lonely in the process.
This is a stunning post, Amy. Thank you.
Thank you for reading, Debbie!
❤️Stamp. Apple butter. Thanks for sharing ❤️
Thanks for reading and commenting, Hani. I’m glad to see “apple butter” show up!
Do you remember when people used to "go postal?" And granola was a way to label someone as a hippy. We're going on a trip in our favorite rocket ship...
I share your fear of a demise going unseen. There was even mention of this in my neighborhood newsletter, urging people to check on their neighbors. I just talked to the head of the community garden about caregiving, and where to leave important information if something were to happen. She also cares for someone who is mostly non-speaking. Are they trapped with us when that nebulous thing happens?
"The organization side has mostly been temporarily derailed, and despite my intentions, I may just be replicating chaos in the new system." <-- This describes my unpacking perfectly.
OMG… that first line is a riot. We definitely enjoyed The Little Einsteins. I hope you get a handle on the unpacking….or make peace for now with the boxes and a slower pace that feels right. I totally understand your concerns about an emergency in your house. There must be some creative solution for calling for help or raising an alarm…. It’s good to think it through. I hope you have a good week ahead.
Rocket!!!
Thanks for reading, Laura. I’m glad people saw that story - disheartening as it was. It’s a cautionary tale in so many ways, right?
Yes, I found it very sad. It’s bad enough that people die alone in their homes and aren’t discovered, but an office building is so unexpected.
🚀🖋️ thanks for mentioning the story about Denise P. at Wells Fargo. I have a few circles of thought about that circumstance that keep returning to me. I hope it is not the end of that story.
Interesting, Lauren. I just can’t quite see how the Monday went unobserved. I feel like it’s a story that will never be more than the headline it was, but it was definitely eye opening. I saw your comment in our coffee thread today about the wash. I am looking forward to seeing where that goes! Thank you for reading.
Rocket, stamp, postal, ink, granola.
I value that Sunday hour of conversation & drawing sooo much. I am so glad to be a part of that circle. See you next week!
Oooh, all five. Nice! I hope your team did well today, we missed you. While we haven’t “really” talked about things in our group, it has meant a lot to have the group of you there as a point of normalcy in these months - and before. I’m grateful you are part of that. There were two threads today that I wished you had been there for. Have a good week.
I loved this format of fragments and vignettes, Amy! I’m on the last day of my trip and my posts for next week are on my mind. Your post about loneliness and isolation (among other things) connects with some experiences I’ve had this week with friendship and shame. I think it may lead to a post, I’ll tag you whenever it goes out.
I hope your trip has been good, Jason….although your words sound like it may have been a challenge. I hope some good came out of it - and that it was maybe a restful getaway on some level. Thank you for reading and commenting — and I look forward to seeing where your post and haiku lead after your trip. Have a safe trip home.
It’s been a wonderful trip and very restful!
Stamp - I mail at least one card a week, and if it's just one, it's to my son. He and I talked every Monday evening at 7 CST, and he always tells me what he would like for the week's card, and I draw it. If he's saved every one, he should have over 200 by now. Stamps are some of my favorite things. I love to send mail.
Oh, wow! What an amazing tradition you have with your mail to your son — and it’s pretty awesome that he participates in that way, too. (Really!) I saw there were some really cool new stamps out. I don’t need stamps - but I did notice the newest set!
I love going to our little neighborhood post office, especially to buy new stamps. It's the littlest part of art on an envelope. ❤️
That’s a beautiful thought of the flowers and a remembrance for this person. I haven’t seen any other information, but is is certainly a sad story. I am sorry that these have been hard years. I know you continue to deal with a great deal. I hope there is some support. The tree sounds beautiful, and certain in the cyclical progression. Thank you for joining in here, Kathi.
I really appreciated the "assemblage of fragments" here, Amy. Life is like that so often, at least for me. A thought or experience emerges, takes a little shape, then gives way to something else. Sure, there are times I get stuck, typically when I'm anxious and my mind runs in an endless loop of 'what ifs.' But more often its waves on the sand, one coming in and going out, followed by another. I like that you're allowing for these thoughts to develop further, for new details to emerge.
I loved learning about CQ / Seek You and browsed through the sample read on Amazon. I've never been especially attracted to graphic novels, but that one looks to be one I could enjoy (most are too busy for me; my brain spends too much energy trying to find the storyline amid all the images).
This is the second time in a week that a writer has called me to think about the implications of dying alone. It may, in fact, become a piece of its own for me - we'll see. I keep pondering the nuances of this expectation but haven't come to anything ready for public consumption, just a sense that there is more there than being afraid to die alone. Beyond the fear of the unknown, I think it comes down to connection, to knowing that we matter. And how do we ensure that those around us know they matter? Are there ways we can do that daily as well as more deeply, for friends and strangers? I feel sadness around your loneliness and want to believe the grief group is a good thing, but of course, I can't know if this is true. Loneliness is case sensitive.
I had not seen the Wells Fargo story. I don't take in a lot of news, or at least not through traditional channels.
I haven't sent any postcards, but I have sent cards and letters. Do those count?
I just signed up for a free, 5 day "event" called Quiet 15 which will focus on silence and the sacred. That feels like the right kind of challenge for me. Happy to share the link for anyone interested. I'm not personally associated -- found it through another Substack writer.
Granola, only I don't really eat it much anymore, I used to make big batches of it.
💙
Maybe your library has Seek You? It is a surprisingly dense graphic novel — more than 300 pages. But it is packed with a combination of memoir and an almost documentary-like survey over time. Really well done. That is an interesting thought-line about dying alone… good food for thought for us all. I think I am probably way too “fine” in many ways for the group, but I agree, it’s probably still a good thing. I’ve never made granola, but there is someone on this street who occasionally leaves a container on my step, and it’s the best thing ever. I’m going to be talking more about postcards. Communication in all forms is good, yes, and I love knowing you are a frequent mailer. I hope Quiet 15 goes well. I haven’t heard of that. Is it writing based — or mindfulness? There is an interesting month focused on letters starting this week, too. I hope you had a nice weekend — and a happy equinox.
It is a delight, indeed!
Alone and lonely are two different things that connect and disconnect. I often feel alone in a group of people, separate, different, not belonging but I like alone time. Loneliness for me comes in moments where I just want to roll over in bed and talk about something that's worrying me or I just need a cuddle.
My dread is I will die alone and one of my kids will have to find me.
I'm off to eat my granola now. Still a newish word for me here in New Zealand, mostly we would just call it muesli but granola is a little fancier and more expensive. I usually decant the two together to make it go further
Yes, Lisa, I am with you. They are different ….and shifting, although sometimes they run along similar lines. People can certainly be lonely even when not alone. Oof….the worry. I guess granola is really common here….and muesli maybe less so. I tend to mix cereals, too. Variety is good ;) —Thank you for reading. I hope you enjoyed the granola combo and have a good week ahead.
Apple butter. And how can I not love you and your writing when you say things like “Because I am always connecting dots and gathering threads and peeling at the palimpsest, there are always things that come up that I want to follow at some point.” Yikes that’s good. Palimpsest is one of my favorite words. And I read another post today that mentioned origami cranes. And being alone vs. loneliness. That. I’m rarely lonely. I spend a lot of time alone. I worry about no one missing me should I die in my house alone. But I worry more about my pets who I crate at night. What if I died in my sleep? No one would notice for days. Maybe my therapist would notice but would she investigate. Probably. I’ll talk to her about it tomorrow (kind of laughing here). But who else? Maybe my friends in my 12 Step meeting. But we don’t have info on where any one lives. Okay. I’m starting to spin out a little, so I’ll move on. Postcards. I didn’t send one but I gave one in August. It’s a long story. I’ll save it for another day. Excited about submitting selfies for your portrait project. Just have to get past how much I hate taking selfies! AND one hour a week isn’t enough. I’m here and totally would love to talk or Zoom. Great post, Amy, my very thought-filled friend!
Definitely a favorite word! I think aloneness and loneliness can be complicated for many of us, even when social realities are different. But I think the story of the employee definitely invites us to stop and think about what kind of plan we have. I think your people would notice, Nan. I really do! I’m looking forward to the selfies - and thank you for being first to raise your hand. I appreciate that! Selfies are not scary. Use the black and white setting, stick your arm out there and snap. Whole head. Take a dozen. lol. It’s a good thing for people to do! Thank you for reading and commenting.
xoxo! I don't agree with you, not because my people aren't the kind of people who show up for others, but more because we're all so wrapped up in our own lives, that's easy to forget there are others out there. We're all so busy. I think about my friends regularly, but I can go weeks without contact with some of my closest friends. It's a reality that many of us deal with.
Also what was the Ozeki book? I tried to backtrack to figure it out. She’s my newest favorite author. I’ve devoured everything she’s written. xoxo
I remember you telling me how much you liked her at the time. The book in that note was The Book of Form and Emptiness, mentioned to me by another reader in a a comment. I haven’t read anything else by her. I know A Tale for the Time Being is one to read. I just haven’t gotten there. I’ve pulled dozens of books this summer, and so far, I’m just not really sinking into anything. I checked out a few over the weekend that I know might be able to hook me. So we’ll see. From your bookseller days, what’s your go-to recommendation when someone needs to lose themselves in a book? I’m always curious what people recommend. Have a good week. (Looking forward to hearing the postcard story.)
I lost myself in A Tale for the Time Being, and a MG/YA book called Everything Sad is Untrue by Daniel Nayeri. That might be a good for you. It's one of the most beautiful books I've ever read (read 3 times in the last 1.5 years). I'll let you look it up. Sending love! xoxo
Okay - I’m going to take a look. I am not sure that is one I would have picked up, so I’m glad you mentioned it. Thanks!
Postal. Stamps.
I love the list format. I love lists.
I wish read things in lists that I wouldn’t bother in not list form.
I sent that article about the woman worker to my work team. Due to my partner’s job I am alone a lot for weeks at a time and we have moved a lot and most (all?) of my friends live in my phone and I work from home. I always wonder how long I would lay here dead before someone noticed. People say they would notice but I do wonder. 🤪
People would notice. I didn’t mean to worry us! But it is good to have plans and safety nets — checkin systems. I agree with you about lists. Thank you for reading and commenting.
I always learn things from you Amy, and you always make me think. This time I also looked at a dictionary in the learning process. Thanks for broadening my knowledge and view, as always.
You describe such a hard reality of being alone and being lonely. I am someone that needs and prefers a lot of time to be alone, but we all need a human connection. I have my core people…or person. Losing that and navigating from there is very heavy to think about. And making meaningful connections can be very hard for so many. It is sad to think of more and more isolation and loneliness in our society.
I liked your “kaleidoscope,” “assemblage of fragments” format, by the way, and your description that followed about the “constellation of light scattered across the floor” is just beautiful. As so often appears in your writing, such a vivid, visual description.
Thank you, Erin. I appreciate you reading and commenting. I, too, do well alone in many ways. I think you’ve got it though in thinking through the what if. Thank you for the comments on the opening bits. I appreciate that there are those of you that respond to moments like that. Have a good weekend!
Postal apple butter. Really enjoyed reading this, Amy. I'm sorry for your recent loss. I hadn't seen the Wells Fargo story, but clicked over to read it. It's sad, but I can see it happening. I lived alone for about five years between marriages and there were many weekends that, had I died at the office, no one would have noticed until Monday morning. My own mom died alone at home and it took a couple of days of her not answering my phone calls before we sent someone to check on her.
Thank you for reading and commenting, Linda. I agree that story is sad because, exactly as you've described, there are many scenarios in which it can easily happen. I'm so sorry to hear about your mom. I love it when "apple butter" shows up. It seems such a thing of the past!